my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
