I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
