She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
