he puts the penis in happiness.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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