So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
