I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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