Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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