Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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