i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
