I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
