My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
