I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
