he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
