Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
