I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
