Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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