I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
