i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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