i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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