Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
