so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
