brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
