lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
