im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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