"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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