my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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