I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
