Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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