i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
