i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
