I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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