Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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