Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
