don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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