my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
