No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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