Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
