party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
