I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
