you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
