you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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