I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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