the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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