Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
