you guys were way drunker than both of me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
