Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
