Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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