Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
