i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
