Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
