Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
