Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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