He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
