You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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