He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
