Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
