i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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