I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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