Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
