I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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