Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
