She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
