i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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