before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
