I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize