So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
