I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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