Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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