: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
