I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize