u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
