what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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