I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
