never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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