kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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