You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
