I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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