Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
