i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
