I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
