What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
