Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
