you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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