this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
