u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
