dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
