Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
