So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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