Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You are a genius and a whore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
