shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
