My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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