honey bunches of taint.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
