I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
