dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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