I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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