I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
even my farts smell like vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
