I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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