I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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