Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
