my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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