I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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