I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
